僕は君のため  君は僕のため

don't read. kittiot the bitch goes ranting.

2011/07/20 16:06
it was the right thing to do?

maybe. at this point, probably.

I know I didn't handle it right.. not in the slightest... but I got too scared to do anything else.



since I hurt one person, it's only fair to hurt the other person in order to protect the first person from any more harm, right?

I didn't mean for it to get this far.

I guess I just assumed that one person would forgive me. Like I hadn't been a total bitch to one person in the past. I just assumed that one person would happily talk to me again. But other person, you did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. But I don't want you to think poorly of one person, so I lied to you, and now you'll think poorly of me.

see, I'm certain that one person is depending on other person way way more than I depend on other person. It might even be a subconscious dependency, but... what other person does and what other person represents... that means the world to one person.

I can't take away one person's world. I just can't.

Even if it means destroying other person's trust in me? I guess.

I really do have work tomorrow, though.


..... here's the big one...

.... I asked for it, because it was the easiest way to lie.

god I'm an ass. I hate me.

But I can't ask for help anymore. I won't allow myself to.

things like 'help me do this'... those type of people, the type that listen to me won't be around much longer. then no one will care. So, shouldn't I stop now?

The stupid shell in my heart is screaming out at me. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone! My intentions were good!"

shut up.

even if you didn't mean to, it doesn't change the fact that you did.

weren't you the one begging people to be more honest? then you turn around and create this lie monstrosity?

and do good intentions mean anything if no one knows why you did it?

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