僕は君のため  君は僕のため

the entry in which I bitch a lot and say 'bitch' a lot

2012/01/07 04:06
Well. I'm trying this whole 'blog from my phone' thing, but that means no video right away. 8DD;; so be patient yes =3=

I'll still write about the song I'll post though 8D

twitter 8D because that's been stuck in my head lately. I don't normally notice the japanese lyrics of a song but it's pretty much impossible not to admire 'ai no I know sainou nai yo'. It's just so genius *____*~~~

I've been alternating between looping guriri and miku, though. guriri cuz well duh guriri and miku because the p did a really good job tuning her. Like, normally I don't listen to the vocaloid's voice much either (specifically, I mean I do listen to mostly originals, but I don't listen to the voice, just the tune of the song)... but god, miku just sounds amazing here. her final aaa. hnng. when I sing it I sing like guriri though 8D well. not like guriri but I copy her tone and style too much 8DDDD ah boy if I dub it, I'll sound just like a guriri copycat huh ;;;;;;;

I've been pissed off at the world lately. Like. cursing people and all that fun stuff 8D everyone's so proud of me. well. actually I'm not proud of me. I never meant to become this big a bitch 8DDDD what happened to the sweet kind kitty 8D

well. she never really existed I guess so whatever 8D

I'm such a jealous person though 8D I didn't even think I was a jealous person until last year 8D but alas! jealousy. and now I realize that I'm pretty much jealous of everything to some extent. 8D I'm the most jealous person I know for sure 8D

why am I ranting about myself 8DD

that reminds me 8D so recently my class did poetry readings... my school does Poetry Out Loud, which is this weird poetry recitation competition, and every year no matter what you have to memorize two poems and read them to the class. It kind of sucks, but it's also a lot like acting so it's ok in that way.

... well. this year I forgot until the day before, so it was kind of stressful. But I didn't mess up too bad I guess so that's ok xDD

One of my english teachers (there's two) did something very nice though 8D after it was all over she came up to me and complimented my 'poetry voice' ;w;

Like. I already said that I think of it as acting. And my bitch of a drama teacher pretty much destroyed any confidence I had in my acting skills... er. she picks favorites hard. I am not one of them. She didn't even cast me at all this year, not even in the spring show, and since I'm a senior and that would be my last show at the school... well. it's tradition to cast seniors who act in their last show. it would have been nicer if she punched me in the face and cussed me out. I'm so pissed at her I don't even know 8D such a bitch~

and I don't think I'm an amazing actress, but I know I'm decent. (I watched too many horrible auditions at the middle school to think otherwise. just. emotionless recitation of words. -shudder-) And mrs. english teacher reinforced my beliefs. If drama teacher actually cast me and worked with me, I could be good, I think. But now she'll never know 8D

Ah, but other english teacher pissed me off 8D I asked her for a college recommendation letter, and she did it the day of my first deadline. I wanted to apply before then but I couldn't. I was like. 8D. this is my future you procrastinated on, thank you very much~

.. see what I mean about turning into a bitch 8DDD someone needs to give me a smack in the face or something 8D

well. I guess a good thing. even though my reader probably already knows this (everyone suddenly got sick of my blog and stopped reading 8DDDD)

new years, on a whim, I sent that out and things resolved a little. not much but enough so that if we never talk again I can die not feeling upset about the past year.

Stupid 2011 8D how did you manage to be so good yet so bad 8D january february I don't remember, march and april I was a whiny little bitch, may I was so happy, june, still pretty happy, july and august worried and stressed over nothing- muchos ruido y pocas nueces, I think- september a bitch again, october november a bigger bitch, and december... hit everything from stressed bitch to optimistic nyanface.

... euh. I was only happy two months. but even so, I was so happy those two months .-. they make up for all the bitchiness the rest of the way through, imo.

But. That's the past. I know that's the past and for once I'm fine that it's the past. And... I'm not just saying that. Somehow I know this time it's really really over. No more stressing about that thing. From now on I'll look back fondly on the year I was 16.

I found this list the other day that I made on my 17th birthday, 100 reasons to be thankful for my 16th year. What a weird thing to make. But I was really happy I made it. It reminded me that no matter what, from now on I have to keep my chin up. There's no alternative, so... I have to. And... that just might be okay.

well. enough for right now I guess. I'm still pretty busy with all this college shit. orz.

plus my hands hurt 8D I typed all that on a phone 8DDDD;;;


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