僕は君のため  君は僕のため

2012/03/18 00:32
I'm such a selfish, horrible person.

it's like I can't do anything anymore. I can't work, I can't sleep, I can't pay attention, and worst of all, I can't stop judging everyone around me. Everything has a flaw, a horrible, obvious flaw. I of course have the most flaws, so why is it that I can see those flaws, anyways? I don't want to judge people, but I do anyways. Even my own friends. Someone says something selfish, and I'm pissed at them. "Don't think just about yourself, you have it good compared to half the world." or they talk about something popular, and I get pissed because they like things the whole world likes.

I don't get pissed online like I get pissed in real life. Maybe that's why I'm so antisocial, I can only function when I'm shielded from the world by a computer and a keyboard. I can reword myself, here, I can filter thoughts. I can seem more attentive, I can seem less tired and less of a liar. I lie so much. Mostly about stupid stuff. Nonetheless I'm lying and it's disgusting.

I'm going to be an art major in college, yet everyone on the internet who has tons more talent than I ever will aren't pursuing anything of the sort. Why do I get to go on in art, while they don't? I'm not talented. I'm not good at anything.

... well... orz recently, I've been kind of annoying... orz sorry guys... everyone kept saying very encouraging things... especially mitto and trin. so I decided to continue. I mean, when I go to college this fall I'll probably hiatus or stop, but until then. Singing... it's supposed to be fun, and I want it to be fun, so... I need to try harder to make it fun. ;w; no matter how much I argue with myself, I'll try to keep reminding me that it's not any more complex than that, ok?


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