2012/04/25 23:08i seem to have lost the ability to put my thoughts into words.
i just... don't want to disappoint anybody. and by thinking that way, I disappoint everybody.
don't look at me like that, don't say you're 'frustrated' with me because i don't try enough. i try to try, but i get afraid. i'm not any good at anything, so what's the point? there's always a place where I stop understanding, and everyone else still gets it. what am I missing? i'm trying to get it, but my brain just won't go there.
and after 8 hours of doubting myself, i go stare at a compu for 8 more hours like a zombie. not doing anything, just entertaining myself for little moments to get away from the guilt.
it's really disgusting.
sometimes i think that, in my 17 years of life, i've screwed my personality up so badly it's not even worth it. i think horrible thoughts about good people.